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After a Lifetime in Large Urban Areas, this West-Coast Urban Girl has moved to the Country to start a New Life in a Small Town in Vermont... Watch her bumble her way and conquer!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Hilarious Fake Regency Blurbs Contest!



I am thrilled to be a part of this year’s Austenesque Extravaganza hosted by the wonderful Meredith Esparza and Jakki Leatherberry, and for my part in this Traveling Tuesday#2, I’m holding a contest with fabulous prizes!

It’s a Fake Regency Blurbs Contest!


Those of you who’ve read my Supernatural Jane Austen Series books such as Mansfield Park and Mummies, Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons, and the latest, Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy’s Dreadful Secret, know that the back cover of each trade paperback edition (and the beginning of the interior of each ebook edition) contains some pretty amazing, hilarious, and rather shocking faux blurbs from supposed contemporaries of the Regency period.

These are utterances from ladies and gentlemen (and some unspeakable others, such as monstrous ducks, or ghostly shades) who have read the book (or found and recognized themselves in the book) and deigned to comment on it in public, in the form of a brief quote.

See below for some hilarious examples at the end of this post.

For this contest, you will need to write a similar blurb, for any one of the three current books in the series (take your pick!), in Regency period style!

The best, funniest, wittiest, and most appropriate blurb will be judged the Grand Prize Winner according to the four criteria below, and the author of the winning entry will receive a trade paperback autographed copy of Pride and Platypus!

In addition (with your permission, of course), the winning blurb may be used in an upcoming hardcover edition, and the winning author will be credited inside the book!

Also, if it turns out there are more entries we really like, there will be runner up winners (as many as necessary), and they will receive an ebook of their choice, plus a chance to be included in the hardcover edition!

Four Criteria for the Fake Blurb


  1. Blurb must be written in period-appropriate Regency style.
  2. Blurb must be witty—funny but tasteful, a la Jane Austen.
  3. Blurb must be “signed” either by a lady or a gentleman or an appropriate character.
  4. Blurb must refer to (or hint at) elements of my Supernatural version of the book, not just the Austen original.

Contest Entry Instructions:

  1. Study the examples of the funny fake blurbs at the end of this post.
  2. Pick a book in the series for which you will write your funny blurb.
  3. Write your blurb according to four criteria
  4. Post it in the comments section below, together with your name and email (to contact you if you win).

Entry Deadline—last day of the Austenesque Extravaganza, or last day of September!

Are you ready? ... Set? ... Go!


Now, enjoy the hilarious fake blurb examples!



REGENCY ERA PRAISE FOR…
Mansfield Park and Mummies

A Brilliant Parody of a Portrait!”
A Certain Lady

I fought for first possession of this tome at the Lending Library, sustaining but negligible injury to my person. It is regrettable, however, that the Duchess of K. may never walk again.”
A Gentleman of Taste

Is it so entirely wrong to love a Mummy?”
A Lady of Erudition

Do not allow impressionable young persons near this dreadful book; it is a moral travesty, containing Theatrical scenes and blatant Acting.”
A Gentleman of Breeding

QUACK!”
The Brighton Duck


REGENCY ERA PRAISE FOR…
Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons

Fie! This flimsy tome is nothing but a bore. I found no mention of my own person between its vulgar pages.”
A Lady of Prominence

I called out the Marquis of G. over this book. We dueled; I was vilely injured. As a result, there is a dire possibility I may not produce heirs. But it was all decidedly worth it!’
A Gentleman of the World

Angels! Angels, by Jove! What a rare amusement! And genuine dragons in Bath? Why was I not informed of this?”
A Certain Regent

A rather pleasant little trifle of a novel. Hardly an adequate travelogue of Bath. But a fair warning of its nightly terrors!”
A Lady of Fortune

This volume stands as a cautionary tale to the young people of our fair isle. Disdain fashion and pursue fortune, but not treasure; and above all, stand clear of Bath and Brighton and its ducks!”
A Retired Admiral

Where might one be able to procure a walking-shovel?”
A Gentleman of Fashion

Mrs. Radcliffe and her horrid novels are a travesty, not suitable for impressionable young ladies. As for this dreadful volume, it has given me the vapors.”
A Lady of Delicate Constitution

This is what happens to young ladies left to fend for themselves and wholly unsupervised. Angels! Dragons! Ducks! Where in all this was her chaperone?”
A Lady of Propriety

QUACK!”
The Brighton Duck


REGENCY ERA PRAISE FOR…
Pride and Platypus: Mr. Darcy’s Dreadful Secret

A sufficiently pleasing literary trifle. Only, might one be kind enough to explain why a certain gentleman constantly finds himself in wet shirtsleeves for no apparent reason?”
A Gentleman of Impeccable Attire

I require an introduction to this Mr. Darcy, in all haste. Does the gentleman possess a male unattached sibling? Preferably, with a proper beastly Affliction, in place of what the gentleman himself suffers?”
A Lady of Elegance

An outrage indeed! My own person and relations, to be thus referenced in this vile compendium of vulgarity! Why, this is not to be borne! Also, I recommend emu oil for polishing wooden surfaces.”
A Certain Lady of Rosings

I would have it known that, in my present condition, I am not altogether concerned with pollution.”
A Shade of Pemberley

There is entirely no excuse for the unseemly public behavior of some people’s gauche relations. I have returned this distasteful tome to the Lending Library, and shall henceforth endeavour to forget all of which I have inadvertently read in one sitting.”
A Gentleman of Distinction

I have been placed in numerous sequels, adored and worshiped by millions, scrutinized, analyzed, satirized, undressed, dressed again and soaked in various water reservoirs, and parodied in every manner possible, but never quite so audaciously as in this tome!”
Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy

The gentleman with the satirical eye is being entirely too modest. Furthermore, for inexplicable reasons, he has also been seen in more wet shirtsleeves than all the Royal Navy on the high seas and the House of Lords after a London downpour, and I am yet to understand the mystery behind it.”
Miss Elizabeth Bennet

QUACK!”
The Brighton Duck